Forty-two lactating women gathered in a laboratory at the the University of Virginia to watch TV. Half viewed an episode of Oprah involving a rehabilitated gang member while the others watched Seinfeld. Mark Matousek (Ethical Wisdom–What Makes Us Good) shares what happened next: “The Oprah-watching moms overwhelmingly leaked milk into their pads (the sign of oxytocin lifting them up) and nursed their babies afterward. Hardly any of the Seinfeld watchers so much as wetted a pad…” Just more evidence of mirror neurons at work–nerve cells that fire both when we engage in an activity and when watching someone else–forming the body’s template for ‘catching’ another’s emotional state. And that state has powerful chemical correlates that affect every nerve, cell and fiber of our being.
We’ve all been there. The friend who calls to chat leaving you unhappily exhausted and the one who calls when you’re ready for a nap but suddenly you’re energized and renewed. Yes, emotions are contagious. So the question is, What is it we want to catch? Becoming more discriminating can do more than save our mood. Matousek explains, ”When we behave reassuringly toward others in an I’ve-been-there-too-you’re-not-alone kind of way, it’s the vagus nerve doing the work. By inducing feelings of similarity between people, the vagus nerve calms down our fight-or-flight impulses. We have feelings of intimate connection spurred by the sight of other people’s moral goodness.”
Whether we’re connected through one-on-one contact or through an Oprah episode, we have an opportunity for transcendence. When diagnosed with neurological Lyme Disease Carolyn was hopeful; but after months of i.v. antibiotics failed to halt its progression she was forced to leave not only her job but her animal companions along with the home she had designed and built herself. Moving to her sister’s for care, I met Carolyn in my office and was struck by her steady, clear gaze along with her willingness to talk about the losses of the past eight years. And then gradually, slowly but surely, Carolyn began to heal and last fall at age 67 she completed a 50-mile solo canoe trip down the Colorado River. On a table in my office are two red rocks and an elegant piece of driftwood from this momentous event and I take solace and inspiration from the sight of them. It’s an emotion I want to catch –the power of hope, the power of the human spirit to heal, the power of love, understanding and compassion.
Share some now with someone you care about. And may your story and their story change us for the better.
Brenda, your thoughts splashed joy and gratitude all over my emotions. I got so full of feelings some spilled from my eyes.
I was instantly reminded of a powerful statement by Louis Cozolino in The Neuroscience of Human Relationships: “The optimism of the healer parallels that of the encouraging parent who has dreams of her children’s success and supports their well-being. The physiological reality of ongoing neuroplasticity and neurogenesis provides us with a solid foundation for ongoing optimism with any client at any time, regardless of his or her struggle.”
Thank you for mirroring to me, as my therapist, an unflinching, granite-solid template of hope that was vibrantly rich with encouragement when I was mired in a flat, dark void. Quite literally, your dreams for me were life-giving.
Now, here’s to my next river trip when I’m 70!
L’Chaim!
I stand honored, ready and welling, to add another red rock to the Carolyn Graham collection! Bravo dear one!